A little social experiment

The context of single
Now, the past I think 4 5 6 years I have been very much a single person. I went through a disturbingly lame "man-eater" phase during year one of singledom, which I reigned in during year two as I thought it was tacky and I started to judge myself rather harshly about it (those Muslim roots kick in and kill enjoyment), plus one by one as my friends have started to settle down a small part of me wants that too. Generally after large social occasions (weddings, funerals, christenings, Christmas gatherings - the usual) I have made decisions to go on-line and find myself a man. I would announce this to two or three people "That is it, fuck it, I am not going to another wedding/works do/party/insert dull social occasion here by myself, again ever, I am going to find someone. The end" 


 Amongst my closest friends I was something of a visionary to have employed the use of the internet to date. I was the first one to do it. Still alone though. Still have friends who have subsequently met "The One" on-line thanks to my outstanding internet dating sales patter, writing of their profiles and assistance with their email exchanges. Don't get me wrong, I am genuinely happy for them, it is lovely when your friend is in love, as long as they don't drop you and leave you as I fear is about to happen as THELASTMANSTANDING.  


Family Input


The last two years I have had a considerable amount of stick for this beyond- lame -makes -Judy Bloom- novels -seem -thrilling -single -life I lead.In-fact even when I go and visit Nanny she still asks the same questions, partly to do with her dementia, but mostly I think because she has always liked to cause controversy by exposing social taboos "Where is NAME OF EX? I always liked NAME OF OTHER EX. But really you liked BOTH NAMES OF EXES.If only you were a nicer person one of them might still be sniffing around. Your tits are starting to sag, you should act faster and lose weight"   


My fathers take on it is equally amusing "Look you are rubbish at 'playing the field' I can set you up with a nice Persian and you can have guaranteed good looking kids, you will just have to shut your mouth and keep your liberal hippy opinions to yourself and not bring shame to me or Allah" Me and daddy have tried introducing me to other Persians a few years ago. I think he has selective memory syndrome or something or the trauma of that introduction has caused him to block it out. It was awful, just awful - in brief in a meal of ten-fifteen Iranians I was stuck at the end of the table with three single men of a similar age; one I was confident saw me as a passport, the other did not speak and the one who did speak clearly through the state of his teeth had a bit of a battle with the love of the opium back in the motherland. My reaction was to get inappropriately shit faced whilst talking about the merits of page three models as a modern feminist. Daddy was not happy.He put me in the back seat of the car before the deserts and sheisha smoking and left me there for a good two hours in the freezing cold whilst he finished his meal and spoke to business contacts. Luckily for him I was too inebriated to kick up a fuss and passed out. Daddy definitely must have forgotten this episode and the bill for cleaning the business car after I had projectiled. 


My mum cries about it. I don't really care what my siblings think about it as neither one of them has ever been alone, so whenever they give me advice I don't listen, because their only experience of going "on the pull" is probably at some under 18 night at some chav nightclub on the seafront aged 12 covered in either lynx or impulse and gyrating to Take That or East 17 love songs. 


So years 3-6 of singledom have seen me employ internet dating as if I am a recreational drug user. You never know when you are going to have a good one and you never know most importantly when you are going to have a bad one. I reckon in the past 12 months I have had 2 good ones and up to five bad ones. The good dates are good simply because you have a nice time in some alright company, there maybe no potential father of my baby discourse in my mind but a fun night out does not have to mean love, sex and romance. The bad ones. Are bad. And I always ride them out TO THE END. Partly out of perverted curiosity but mostly out of the desire to learn from their terrible dating mistakes. 


So now what?


Now I have decided to reboot a profile. But I am only putting on a picture and nothing else and I am going to see what comes from it. I have done the whole short profile and gorgeous pictures combo, long profile and meaningful pictures, medium length honest pictures, super long no pictures and so now just one picture and no words. I am intrigued to know what kind of man my face alone can attract. Not my body; am presently too fat.


Since setting this up I have already had 3 emails. I have yet to reply. I think this is another productive way to kill sometime during my reign of unemployment.