Out of conDOLE

An overview...

Well.

Last week was interesting - I promised myself I would "set the world on fire"and make a concerted effort to get a job and be productive. 

This vow resulted in; several gargantuan hangovers, three trips to my friends at the job centre, being cracked onto by no less than two lesbians, an eye-watering adventure in the gym, failing to give up smoking, petite vandalism, a tour of a prospective employers building, contemplation of a crack habit, more failed stalking at nan's care home , being on telly, being put in a taxi for my own good, creating a faminesque situation at home and missing mummy since she abandoned me. Bitch. 

A new vow

I will start with the hangovers. As this week and for the next few weeks I am not drinking any more, I strongly believe that writing about said hangovers will help remind me why I should no longer drink. In all seriousness I think I maybe about three weeks off having to go to an AA meeting.

Monday

 I phoned troll on Monday at 10am on the way to the job centre asking if we could go to the pub at 11am. If it were not for a gigantic clock on the town hall I don't think I would have realised that I was ringing my friend at stupid o'clock asking for a pint. Instead he came round in the evening and we consumed some wine and sent in picture messages of me looking vulgar to some music channel at the grand cost of £1.50 per picture message. They showed my messages twice and then claimed they were unsuitable and so did not show them any more. However they did show the same other photos (of distinctly more ugly people than myself)  on a loop stream for 3 hours. We totally got done.  

Tuesday

Tuesday was the pub quiz. This was fine. All fine. All well and good. Until we started on the straight vodka. I did not get home until I believe (though I could be wrong) until about 3am or maybe it was 2am. Myself, the troll, betterthangoogle aka geekfighter and thevoiceofreason were all in attendance. No creepy additions from internet dating sites were dragged along for our amusement. Troll insisted that myself and geekfighter were put in a taxi and dropped off outside the kebab house with thevoicereason. It is a real indication of how trashed we were that the motherfucking troll had to decide to put us in a taxi, of which until I was told about I had no distinct memory of. 

Wednesday

On Wednesday I texted the boys and told them in no uncertain terms that I did not think I could see them any more. 

THURSDAY SEEMS TO HAVE VANISHED FROM MY MIND.

Friday

By Friday we were back in the pub. I got home at some ungodly hour, having geekfighter assist me in scrawling childish obscenities in the frost on the bonnets of peoples nice cars. I woke up to hearing geekfighter jolt and laugh in the front room. He still had his rucksack and shoes on. Off he skipped. I felt bad about the cars when I finally remembered, even though it was only in the frosting it was very ASBO type behaviour. 

Later on Saturday morning I sent messages claiming I had lost the ability to move. Lies. Self-inflicted lies. Self inflicted via alcohol abuse and the gym.

Saturday

We were back in the pub about 10 hours later. Thankfully, I did not get so trashed. The gym session and free weight madness I engaged in with a female body builder on Friday meant I had ripped every single muscle in my body sending it into some sort of horrific shock. This also meant that lifting a pint glass was an arduous task.The body builder very kindly drew pictures of my liver for me in a caricature fashion showing it with smiling faces and unhappy faces. She asked me to draw my interpretation of my liver. I drew one with tears and a pint glass. 

In other news...

• I have taken myself off facebook until I find a job.
• I did not get the job I did not want.